Fast Five

"This isn't a damn skate board, Brian!"

I remember seeing The Fast and The Furious at a party when it came out on DVD, and I thought to myself “If they make this a franchise, there’s a hell of a lot of money to be made”. And, with the exception of 2 Fast 2 Furious, the series has held up to my expectations. Granted, I wasn’t ever expecting anything high caliber, just a fun action film about cool cars, cops, and criminals. That’s what I’ve gotten every time. Except, when I saw the fourth entry in the series, I got something different - a soundly made film with a good story and solid performances. Fast and Furious marked the series moving on up from just action fodder to a legitimate franchise, and Fast Five takes it and runs. Or, drives, rather.

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In Theaters This Weekend

"I come off like a viking, right?"

Coming to theaters tomorrow - Thor, Something Borrowed, and Jumping the Broom. Two romantic comedies and a superhero flick destined to take the box office by storm. Fast Five has been holding onto the top spot since its release, driving April into record breaking box office numbers, and becoming the no1 movie worldwide. Can Thor trump it? By the hammer of Asgard, I'd bet so.

Surely we've all heard of Thor by now, but if you're not familiar with Something Borrowed or Jumping the Broom, we'll take a closer look at all three after the jump. 

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Thor

He's a god-out-of-water

Marvel movies know what they’re doing. Clear action, sharp performances, and intelligent screenplays. Of course, the studio is allowed their mistakes after so many successes (here’s lookin’ at you, Iron Man 2), but more often than not, Marvel nails it. Especially in their set-up for the long awaited Avengers film. We’ve had Iron Man and Black Widow, The Incredible Hulk, we’re getting Captain America, and now we have Thor - the god of thunder. Not just thunder, but lightening and fertility and strength (thanks, Wiki). And if anyone can embody fertility, strength, and inclement weather, it’s Chris Hemsworth. Tall, blond, beefy - he has to be the ideal casting. And in a film racked with political intrigue, light hearted hysteria, and Shakespearean grandeur, Kenneth Branagh has to be the ideal director. 

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The Green Hornet, The Dilemma, and Others on DVD This Week

Shown running from the critics

Yesterday, four major DVD releases found their way onto shelves - The Green Hornet, The Dilemma, A Somewhat Gentle Man, and From Prada to Nada. Now... generally, I try to recommend a viewing for the week, based on the releases. But, this is a total grab bag here. I can recommend The Dilemma, but it won't be something everyone will enjoy (as reviews and box office returns proved); I can recommend A Somewhat Gentle Man, but that's purely based on a general perception of the film - I haven't seen it yet (I'm a terrible critic, I know). I've managed to avoid From Prada to Nada, though it's something I'll have to endure by the end of the year, regardless. And The Green Hornet is... a waste of time. 

So, yeah - there you have it. However, let's look at each release closer, just to see what might be worth your hard earned money, and valuable time. 

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The Dilemma

"Seriously? You bagged Winona Ryder?"

Ironically enough, The Dilemma has a few problems of its own. It’s interesting to see Ron Howard take another stab at comedy after laying Arrested Development to rest, but it doesn’t gel the way it should have. Many comedies make their name by taking a moral question and either grounding it in darkly funny reality or making it so absurd that it becomes impossible to question. In fact, some directors have made a career out of doing just that. Mike Binder, Woody Allen, Judd Apatow, the list continues. Where Ron Howard finds trouble here, to be fair, is the script. It’s penned by Allan Loeb, who spewed out Wall Street:Money Never Sleeps and The Switch (that movie about Jennifer Aniston, a turkey baster, and an awkward conversation waiting to happen). The Dilemma is two movies at once - a dark comedy about a man who finds out his best friend’s wife is cheating on him, and a relationship drama about the same thing. The real dilemma is that it can’t find that comfortable middle ground. Same problem that Wall Street 2 had, same problem The Switch had. Must be a Loeb thing.

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Gnomeo and Juliet

Travelocity's gonna sue somebody

In what might become an anthem for the Gnome Liberation Front, Gnomeo and Juliet (very loosely) retells the story of William Shakespeare's famed tragedy of nearly the same name. But, after all, a movie about doomed garden gnome love by any other name is still as dreadful. Oddly enough, a pastiche of Shakespeare puns and gardening jokes took nine writers to fully realize. That might be the funniest thing about the film - Andy Riley, Kevin Cecil, Mark Burton, Emily Cook, Kathy Greenberg, Steve Hamilton Shaw, Kelly Asbury, Rob Sprackling, and John R. Smith. Between them, be it final touch-ups or penning the original stories and script drafts or tossing in jokes here and there, they pulled off true movie magic - a film that feels like it has no screenplay at all, written by a small committee. 

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In Theaters This Weekend

"Get some"

In theaters this weekend, we have another oddball mix. We're getting to that point of the year where, on the weekends, seemingly something for everyone will be released. For the action lovers, Fast Five comes out; for kids, there's the sequel to Hoodwinked; for older kids, Disney is releasing a film about prom called... Prom; and for the rest of us, there's Dylan Dog: Dead of Night. Which is more worth it? Which will be the safest way to spend your money?

Well, my answer is to see all of them. Even the ones that look terrible. But, that's my advice for anything in general. If you don't know what's bad, how can you really know what's good?

Let's take a closer look at each. 

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Why I Love Film - #7 (nsfw)

Sid and Nancy they ain't

There's a special brand (!) of genius behind Russell Brand and Rose Byrne's creations of rockstars Aldous Snow and Jackie Q. We were introduced to Aldous, a once famously sober rockstar, in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (when he used to have sex with Sarah Marshall) and were introduced to Jackie Q in Get Him to the Greek. The foul hilarity that spews forth from their mouths around each other kind of belie the talents they have as actors, but only on the surface. Once you can get past what they're saying, and you can pay attention to how they're saying it, the characters are two of the smartest things to come to film in the last few years. And definite career makers of performances. 

And something like this could only be captured on the big screen. The performances, and characters, are too big for anywhere else. 

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The Green Hornet

"That's right. I'll be playing a superhero. Don't look so confused."

It takes a certain kind of film to make me question the state of a genre. Certain horror movies make question the audiences that attend them, and certain movies that go on to win Oscars make me question the voters. But, not since 1990's Captain America (a horrid movie starring Matt Salinger as the first Avenger) have I sat down and thought about the state of a genre. I remember seeing that and being thankful that even after such a gigantic misfire we're still allowed Batman movies and Spiderman movies and even another Captain America film (which appears to be infinitely better). The Green Hornet, you should know, is one of those certain films - I've seen it twice now and both times I've thought to myself "is this the state of the superhero film? This is what we've come to?" 

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3 Idiots, Jolene, and Others on DVD This Week

3 Idiots Knuckle Up

This is an odd week for DVD releases... usually, lately, we've had three or four recognizable films that have either won awards, or critical praise, or have been revered in their own way for being terrible so we can lament the fact that they're now available in yet another format. This week, of course to break the trend we're so used to, are three releases I can safely say I've never heard of. But, in all fairness, I'm looking forward to them. Some what. A Bollywood-ish farce called 3 Idiots, a walk across the country with an orphaned girl Jolene, and a walk from one end of the room to the other in Bunny and the Bull. 

Which is more worth your time and money, however? Probably all of them. But, I'm guessing that Bunny and the Bull might be the best bet. 

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In the Name of Jesus

Give him his fucking eggs back!

Every Easter, much like every other holiday, there are certain movies that just complete the proceedings. Scary movies complete Halloween, and there are countless Christmas movies to watch every year, but what about days like today? Well, I've compiled a list of the five best people to play Jesus - from Jim Caviezel to Ted Neeley. Let's do it. 

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The Lincoln Lawyer

"Is anyone else following this ending? I mean..."

Consider it a John Grisham novel on steroids. Matthew McConaughey is adept at playing lawyers with an evident moral compass that they just choose to ignore. I remember the first time I saw A Time to Kill on television, and I was mostly just interested in seeing Sandra Bullock in something that wasn't a frothy romantic comedy. But, I left the film impressed mostly by McConaughey and his bittersweet performance. Fifteen years later, I'm reminded of why I like him as an actor in the first place. It's not easy to get behind him when he comes out with films like Surfer, Dude or Fool's Gold or Failure to Launch, but in films like Contact or Tropic Thunder, or The Lincoln Lawyer, his considerable skill is put to unreasonable use. He is an actor, first and foremost. Especially when he keeps his shirt on. 

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Insidious

Drag me to Hot Topic

There's a sense of familiarity in a movie like Insidious. Horror movies these days are a dime a dozen. But Insidious' familiarity comes from a deeper place; it comes from true classics like Poltergeist or even Paranormal Activity, who's producers helped get this film done. Those films work because the have a handle on their atmosphere (something every good horror film has). If you can't control the tone of your film, how can you hope to control the tone of your audience? The answer to that seems easy - that's why films like The Fog get remade, and films like Boogeyman are conceived every day. Tell some audiences to be afraid, and naturally they will be. An example of making your audience afraid, rather than simply suggesting their fear, is a Japanese film called Ju-on, later re-filmed as The Grudge (to, arguably, the same effect). An even better example, Psycho. 

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Super

God's lonely dork.

Super is twisted. Some films can pull that off in a positive way. Recall a film from '98 called Happiness, directed by the superbly screwed up Todd Solondz. That's a film that somehow manages to find the dark humor in the sexually disturbed characters it portrays. Of course this isn't a Todd Solondz film. It wouldn't be as ugly if it were. No doubt, Super is very funny, in parts. Director James Gunn, who's last film was the deliriously strange Slither, gives us a portrait of a mentally unhinged man who accepts a calling from God to be a superhero. He sees visions of demons and rights small wrongs, until stumbling into a big crime. He wields a pipe wrench and cracks skulls for a living. The line between fantasy superhero and regular hyper-violence is blurred. Not just in his mind, but in the film's as well. We aren't ever really shown a man we can get behind, even if it's just to sympathize. 

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Arthur.

Willy Wonka's party days

There are moments of genuine comedic genius in this updated remix of 1981's Arthur, starring Dudley Moore, Liza Minelli, and John Gielgud. Here, Russell Brand portrays our titular loafer in wildly expensive loafers, while Helen Mirren takes Gielgud's spot as his live-in nanny Hobson. Greta Gerwig, affable and luminous as ever, takes over for Liza Minelli as Arthur's love interest/savior. He drinks more than anyone should, to a debilitating degree, and every time he steps out of his house, it's a party. Drinks are on him, of course. Most remakes today have nothing to offer audiences, and do nothing to improve upon or rethink the original films. Admittedly, this version of the popular Moore film (for which he was Oscar nominated, and Gielgud won) doesn't do much to rethink the original, but... the improvement is there. In the 81 film, Arthur's alcoholism isn't treated with the same touch (it's merely a plot point, it feels) and Brand's performance here has more heart than most things Dudley Moore did. Both are fine films, and this one certainly won't see the Oscars, but that doesn't stop it from being a warm, and abstractly hilarious afternoon at the movies.

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In Theaters This Weekend

Taken moments before Pattinson breaks into "Baby Mine"

Hitting theaters this weekend, three major releases bordering on the cusp between greatness and merely watchable - Water for Elephants, the sort of lonely circus drama that will most likely recall the glory days of Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken; Tyler Perry's Madea's Big Happy Family, in which Madea gathers her grandchildren to give them all bad news; African Cats, in which Samuel L. Jackson talks about lions for an hour and a half. But which is going to be worth your money? Or your time? Find out after the break.

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The King's Speech, Gulliver's Travels, and Others on DVD This Week

Fuckin' ass and blap blap

Yes, that's the "f" word above. It's okay, though - the Weinstein brothers will edit this post down after its release. 

If you're confused by the joke above, The Weinstein Company, who produced The King's Speech, had the film edited down from an R rating, taking out the scene where Bertie swears comfortably, and several times, in front of his speech therapist. The film is now available as a PG-13 release and an R release, but only one of them is actually worth money. It's the R one. That scene is a key scene, and there was no reason for it to be cut out. Especially after so few people gave a damn about it in the first place. It isn't the movie that's offensive, not by a long shot, but the MPAA's rating system. 

But, a bitter rant on the MPAA isn't what this post is about. It's about the DVD releases for the week. So I'll stay on topic. The King's Speech, Gulliver's Travels, Rabbit Hole, and Somewhere. I've seen all four. So I can give a fair assessment. Let's get down to it. 

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The Rite

Don't stop believin' 

The Rite is a curious film. We get a film in the exorcism genre once a year, it seems, but we don't usually get films that take consideration of what they're studying. In 2005, The Exorcism of Emily Rose came to theaters, and was much maligned. And in 1973, The Exorcist debuted to stellar box office and reviews. The more serious and accurate the film, the less popular it becomes. Emily Rose, based on the factual exorcism of a young German girl called Annalise Michel, has been called more authentic than The Exorcist. However, that isn't the famous one. The Rite falls in the middle of that - a serious film, that still comes with all the frills. No spinning heads, no constant vomiting, but still loads of flopping around and "film possession". It's a film that ponders several questions, most importantly "what happens when a priest gets a demon?".

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Scre4m

Why the long, blood-spattered face?

There are few things worth an eleven year wait. And I was on the fence about Scream 4, until the trailer came out that is. Ever since, I hopped off the fence and onto the bandwagon. I'll admit that while I'm a huge fan of the series, only the first Scream was worth anything until now. 2 and 3, while loads of silly fun, are redundant and small compared to the original, which was a game changer for the horror scene in 1996. Kevin Williamson's screenplay is mostly to thank for that, as it dissected pretty much everything audiences then knew about modern horror movies. And, again, over the weekend, Williamson took the genre back under the knife, grabbiing the clichés we see every weekend and turning them upside down. Make no mistake - this movie is pure formula; we've seen it already, hundreds of times. What makes it fun is Wes Craven's approach to it. He's still the master of suspense, after all. 

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Rio

O Cresto Redentor

There aren't many reasons to seek out a film like Rio. It's probably the very definition of inconsequential. But I  imagine that the makers, who also gave us the three Ice Age movies, didn't have much consequence in mind. A domesticated blue macaw, aptly named Blu, is kidnapped after taken to Rio De Janeiro to mate with the only other bird of his kind. A weird hypothesis for the film to take, considering that we aren't told what kind of blue macaw these birds are - hyacinth or throated? Is it a Spix blue macaw? And even so, why are there only two of them left? I'm not an ornithologist, but this crossed my mind more than once during the film. Suspending disbelief works most of the time. 

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